7 learnings from 7 months walking with working mothers
1. Always being tactical limits possibility
As a parent we spend a lot of time making quick, tactical decisions. Booking that holiday, remembering PE kit, working out the school clubs schedule, arranging who is on drop off and pick up… the list goes on and never ends. We get good at being organised which is great in some ways, but too much dominance in this area can lead to lack in another. What happens to our hopes and dreams of what we want, and what more can be possible? How do we learn to flip out of planning mode every now and then, to unleash our imaginations and think more strategically about life?
2. Tune in to the seasonal flow of energy
When I started working with mums my idea was to design coaching programmes to run during term time in tune with the rhythm of the school calendar, taking natural breaks for half term and the holidays. However, I hadn’t factored in the inevitable crazy periods in the run up to breaks, particularly the summer holidays, when mums are reaching their limit. At pressure points we instinctively shed anything that isn’t essential. I know it’s better to go with energy than against it. For mothers I’ve learnt we need to tune in to the meta energetic context of not just the school calendar but the flow of their energy and needs throughout the year if we are to do the most impactful work. For now, summer is for living life and enjoying precious time with our children.
3. Modern leadership and parenting are not that different
The boundaries of work and home are more flexible and integrated than ever before, and more employers are inviting their people to be themselves at work. The focus is about who we are as people and our personal growth. Today, good leaders and good parents think about how they show up, what they’re role modelling and the impact of their behaviour on those around them. With mums when we’ve explored topics such as relationship dynamics, being present and managing energy, the examples they have shared from their home life and work life are very similar, just in different contexts. So when we start working in and paying attention to one area, the benefits will be felt elsewhere too.
4. Integration starts with the individual
The women I work with are at a stage of peak responsibility in life managing many or all of the following: home life, children, work, elderly/ ill parents, loss/ grief, environmental action, the perimenopause, and more. When we are overloaded, we can often lose connection to ourselves, our creative expression, our sense of purpose, our values and the value of what we can contribute. I see opportunity in integrating rather than separating all these different parts of life as a way of reconnecting. The source of the integration is in the individual - one woman with many ways of being, many different roles, and skills and capabilities that are valued in many different places. When we integrate, our actions are true to who we are and we are our most potent selves.
5. Mothers need more safe spaces to talk
As a mum there are so many WhatsApp groups you can be part of and events you can go to, but very few spaces where you can share what’s really going on for you, and be truly heard and safely held. We lack community in this sense (the hood in motherhood!) to explore our role as a mother and woman at a challenging stage of life. Women have said they’ve had conversations and shared things on my walks that they haven’t spoken about with their friends or family. That vulnerability, openness and a safe space to share without being interrupted or given advice has helped them to deepen relationships, find new energy and feel supported. My vision is to see more leaders and organisations creating space for these conversations and the right support for mothers.
6. Walking and talking is full of benefits
Walking and talking is a simple offer, but it’s not simplistic. Walking helps us get out of our brains and into our bodies to access the feelings and data they hold. Recent research has explored the benefits of coaching outdoors. The findings include coachees feeling more relaxed and less judged (motherhood is rife with judgement) from walking side-by-side, having the opportunity to play with movement and pace to reflect and express feelings, feeling more free, calm and able to connect more easily to metaphors, enabling different ways of thinking and engaging more of the senses for a fuller coaching experience. Find out more from Jonathan Passmore here. I have found all these to be true, and the mums I work with love getting out for walks too. Alongside the coaching benefits, it’s exercise, headspace, physical space and self-care.
7. Nature is a powerful design tool
I love designing session plans and bringing creative exercises to my coaching. Now that nature is my coaching ‘room’ I have new resources to play with that are constantly changing. It makes it even more important to use the environment, space and people’s movement to create an experience that supports and helps people to embody the content of a session. There is also the serendipity of sessions, the dancing in the moment that can beautifully happen in response to the weather, wildlife and walking route. It’s all data and insight that supports enquiry, awareness and change.